Army Men Gold

[feliciafan89]

Punchline Remark: Real Combat. Plastic Men. Crappy gameplay.

Overview: Since I'm not going to bother individually reviewing all of the Army Men games, I'm going to instead hammer the crap out of this Collector's Series which only collects dust. This is a 3-game box set including Army Men 3D, Army Men Air Attack, Army Men Sarge's Heroes, and a god-awful desire to smash your head repeatedly against a concrete wall.

Details: I've already killed Army Men 3D, so I'm not going to bother repeating myself. Air Attack is a crappy game, and even worse than Air Tactics for the PC, since your radar is really the whole map, and only points out areas of interest, and not enemies. If you try strafing, the enemies will instantly aim in just the right direction, so you have to zigzag to avoid getting hit. You don't find many good pickups, there's no checkpoints, and you only get two lives, with no chance to earn more. In Sarge's Heroes, remaining in the splash of an explosion for a long enough split-second will instantly kill you. (Duke Nukem, this guy ain't!) There's STILL no checkpoints, unclear directions, and you'll get lost like you were in a desert.

Replay Value: Instead of putting one down for each individual game, it's safer to just say that you'll ask for a refund before completing any of them.

Graphics: Very choppy and monotonous. Whoever did them was smoking something stronger than tobacco.

Multiplayer:
Army Men 3D: See my individual review.
Air Attack: Cooperative gameplay is great and all, but you both draw from the same set of lives! Versus mode is just terrible beyond words, but I can at least say that it's pretty much a game of chicken.
Sarge's Heroes: No other guys in the area, no powerup replenishment, and no new maps to unlock. Don't waste your time.

Gameplay: In all of them, the controls are very awkward, each game in a different way. If you want helicopter action, play Gunship 2000. If you want third-person shooter action, play any game from the SOCOM series.

Story: All of them have the cliche "good guy vs. bad guy" story.

Summary:

Top Brass- No blood makes it perfect for those with a weak stomach!

Court Martial- Awkward controls, suck-ass multiplayer, and cliche story. 'Nuff said.

Overall Grade: F. Army Men GOLD? More like Army Men Pyrite!